A Slip Is Not a Fall
Weeks of sticking with it – and then it happens: the cigarette at the party, the glass of wine after the argument, two hours of scrolling instead of sleeping. Right away a voice chimes in: “Now it’s all ruined anyway.”
That voice is wrong. Slips are part of almost every change – whether it’s smoking, alcohol, your phone or a new habit like exercise. Many people need several attempts before a change sticks. What matters is what happens after the slip.
Slip or relapse?
Slip
A single moment when you fall back into the old behavior – for example, one cigarette.
Relapse
You return to the old pattern over a longer period.
In the 1980s, the psychologist G. Alan Marlatt described how a slip often only turns into a relapse because of the thoughts that follow. That is exactly where you can step in.
The “what the hell” effect
Marlatt called it the abstinence violation effect. It often goes like this:
- 1
Slip – You smoke one cigarette.
- 2
Shame and guilt – “I’m just too weak.”
- 3
All or nothing – “It doesn’t matter now anyway – might as well have the whole pack.”
- 4
More of the old – One cigarette becomes many, one evening becomes a week.
- 5
Even more shame – And your hope of making it sinks.
↺ … and the cycle keeps turning.
The key is the third step: that is the thinking trap of all-or-nothing thinking. Read more in the article Recognizing Thinking Traps.
What helps right after a slip
1. Stop now, not on Monday
A slip is a moment, not a state. You can stop again right now – not tomorrow, on Monday or next month.
2. Kind instead of harsh
Harsh self-criticism often makes the next slip more likely, not less. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone who matters to you.
3. Do the math right
Thirty days without and one slip isn’t zero days. It’s twenty-nine good days and one difficult one. What you learned along the way stays with you.
4. Detective, not judge
Ask with curiosity instead of judgment: Where was I? Who was I with? How was I feeling? What did I tell myself? That turns the slip into information.
5. Talk about it
Shame grows when you keep it to yourself. Telling someone you trust or a counseling service takes a lot of pressure off.
Recognizing risky moments
Slips rarely come out of the blue. Typical risky moments are:
- being hungry, angry, lonely or tired (“HALT” for short)
- stress, conflict and boredom
- certain places, people or celebrations
- a good mood: “I’ve earned it today”
- the thought “just this once”
If-then plans
Decide in advance what you will do instead in your risky moments. Plans like these have been shown to help more than good intentions alone.
“If I come home exhausted after work, I’ll first drink a glass of water and go outside for ten minutes.”
Surfing the urge
A craving feels as if it will keep getting stronger until you give in. But usually it behaves like a wave: it rises, peaks and subsides again – even if you don’t give in to it.
With “urge surfing” you watch the wave instead of fighting it or following it:
- 1
Notice the urge and name it: “This is a craving.”
- 2
Notice where you feel it in your body – in your mouth, your stomach, your hands?
- 3
Breathe calmly and watch how it changes: stronger, weaker, different.
- 4
Buy time: decide to wait ten minutes. The wave is often smaller afterwards.
You’ll find a guided exercise in the reday Emergency SOS Kit (“Urge Surfing”).
Getting back on track
- 1
Start again today – Don’t wait for a “perfect” starting point. The next moment is good enough.
- 2
Adjust your plan – What tripped you up? Add exactly that point to your plan.
- 3
Get support – A person who knows, a self-help group or a counseling service makes the path easier.
- 4
Measure progress more broadly – Don’t just count days in a row. Less often, less or shorter is progress too.
Good to know
- Don’t stop suddenly on your own if you drink a lot or take sedatives. With alcohol and certain sedatives or sleeping pills, sudden withdrawal can be dangerous, for example because of seizures. Talk to your doctor first.
- Addiction counseling is there for everyone. Addiction counseling services offer confidential advice, often free of charge – even if you’re just unsure, and for family members too. Getting help is not failure.
- An article is no substitute for therapy. If you are in an acute crisis or thinking about death: crisis lines in your country.
Your plan for the next difficult moment
These questions help you be prepared. There are no wrong answers.
1. My risky moments
When, where and with whom was the urge strongest recently?
2. My if-then plan
“If …, then …” – what will I do instead in that moment?
3. My sentence after a slip
What will I tell myself so that a slip doesn’t become a fall? (e.g. “One moment, not back to square one.”)
Emergency SOS Kit
Immediate coping strategies and skills during acute craving or crisis.